Greetings from Tucson S1:E22

Pilot

Proud and hardworking Joaquin Tiant's recent promotion has finally enabled him to move his family to a bigger house in a nice Tucson neighborhood, and his 15 year-old son David is pleasantly surprised when his new next-door-neighbor Sarah invites him to a school dance. But when the need for a new suit sends him to the mall with his entire family, David's values clash with those of his pragmatic dad and he finds out the hard way what the phrase "all dressed up and no where to go" actually means.

My Two Padres

After David and Sarah accidentally get drunk at a party, David calls Uncle Ernesto instead of Joaquin to pick them up. Realizing Joaquin will be furious with them for their deceit, David and Ernesto scheme to re-enact the evening by planning a fake party.

Driving

David finds himself in hot water after he promises to drive Sarah and her friends to a concert before he actually gets his driver's permit. Determined to make the concert, David bites the bullet and asks Joaquin for driving lessons, landing him in the driver's seas for the ride of his life.

Work Ethic

When Joaquin gets David a grueling job as a caddy in the hot Arizona sun, David goes behind his father's back and gets a cushy job as a lifeguard, but his secret is revealed when he saves a woman's life. Meanwhile, Ernesto is hurt when his son Daniel seems to prefer hanging out with Joaquin.

Popularity

After David complains about not being popular like Maria, Ernesto advises him to join the high school football team and ride the bench to avoid the bone-crushing plays, but when Joaquin realizes his son is not in the game, he talks the coach into sending him in to play which ends in a surprising accident. Meanwhile, Maria applies to college and writes an essay about her mixed heritage that makes fun of a certain part of her mother's body.

Spiteful Dating

David is happily surprised after a game of truth or dare at Maria's slumber party lands him a date with one of the school cheerleaders. Determined to keep David out of her social circle, Maria schemes to break up the new couple but fails miserably, prompting her to try something she has never done before - ask Uncle Ernesto for advice.

Working Mothers of America

When Elizabeth takes a job as a bank teller to earn extra money needed for Maria's college education, Joaquin predicts that the kids will suffer, then proceeds to make sure that they do. Meanwhile, Ernesto tries to avoid getting a promotion.

Strike

Elizabeth and Ernesto take on extra shifts at work after Joaquin's factory workers go on strike leaving him at home with David and Maria, and a lot of time to fill. To make matters worse, David realizes he has feelings for Sarah and the only person around to give him advice is his dad.

Christmas

While Elizabeth and Maria scheme to teach Sarah's narrow-minded mom a lesson, David plots revenge when his dad first gives him permission to spend the holidays skiing with Sarah, then goes back on his word. Meanwhile, Ernesto allows his friends' band (Los Lobos) to practice in the garage, but is horrified when Joaquin wants to join the band as their lead singer.

Ball and Chain

Maria advises David on how to get Sarah to kiss him, but things get really hot after Joaquin catches them in the act. Elizabeth fears Joaquin is overreacting because he regrets getting married so young.

A Brand New Car

When David wants to buy a car, he enlists Maria's help to convince Joaquin. He later regrets the decision after Maria teams up with a car saleswoman and they convince Joaquin to buy a car - for Maria. David then sets out to prove to his dad once and for all that women are constantly manipulating him.

Counseling

When Maria gets a new school counselor David sees a chance to reveal Maria's "problem with the truth" to their parents but the outcome isn't exactly what he expected. Intent on getting even with her brother, Maria sets out to spoil David and Sarah's special night together.

Family Honor

After David forgets his one-month anniversary with Sarah, Joaquin advises him to cook her dinner to make it up to her. But after Sarah tells Maria's date she is planning on leaving the dance with another boy, Maria gets dumped and decides to sabotage Sarah and David's special night.

Maria's Boyfriend

Maria keeps her new boyfriend Soloman a secret from Joaquin because she fears he will forbid the relationship - and she is right. However, the real shock comes when Joaquin finally explains that his disapproval is based on race, but not in the way Maria thinks.

Student Council

David's decision to run for president of his class turns Joaquin into a crazy campaign manager. Meanwhile, Ernesto and Daniel team up to find Ernesto a new girlfriend.

Coffee

When Elizabeth's parents come to visit, she asks the family to be on their best behavior, but the urge to taunt one another proves to be too much for everyone. Realizing Rebecca is upset, the family pulls together and begins acting like a Stepford family - which freaks their mom out.

The Breakup

After David and Sarah break up, David takes Maria's cheerleader friend Paula on a date, much to the dismay of Joaquin, who plots to get David and Sarah back together. Meanwhile, Elizabeth sets Ernesto up with one of her crazy co-workers.

Home Sweet Home

Joaquin reluctantly allows Maria to move into her own apartment, but immediately starts acting as if he is an obsessive handy man. Meanwhile, Maria finds that dealing with her kooky landlord and constant visits from her family is not what she expected.

My Friend Mom

When Ernesto is hired as a security guard for a Vince Neil concert, he offers Vince some valuable advice to "just let things go" but his advice backfires after Vince takes him literally and walks out on a sold-out concert. Meanwhile, Maria accuses Elizabeth of playing favorites with David.

The First Time

Ernesto invests in an old Airstream trailer and hires a tough but charming biker babe, Rosa, to be his "maintenance woman," secretly hoping he can turn her attention away from the trailer and re-focus it on him. Meanwhile, when David and Sarah decide they are ready to have sex, they have an embarrassing encounter with Joaquin and Elizabeth.

Sibling Rivalry

The tension between David and Maria gets out of hand when David embarrasses his sister during her 18th birthday party by showing the guests a video of her singing and dancing in the backyard. When Maria and David will not stop fighting, their parents Joaquin and Elizabeth fear that their children will never be friends and send them to visit a priest as a last ditch effort to mend their relationship.