The Honeymooners S1:E39

TV or Not TV

Trixie tells Alice that she and Ed are getting a new TV set to replace their old one. Alice is envious and Trixie tells her to give Ralph the 'pipe and slipper' routine to butter him up. Alice's behavior is so unusual for her that Ralph is immediately suspicious. When Ralph finds out the reason behind this he refuses to buy a TV set. It soon becomes apparent that Alice will not let the issue drop and Ralph is forced to deal with it. Ralph and Norton concoct a scheme to pool their money together and buy one set and share it.

Funny Money

Counterfeiters have lost a suitcase of 'funny money' and have to wait 30 days to retrieve it. Once 30 days have elapsed it becomes the property of the person who found it...Ralph Kramden. When he discovers the contents of the case he goes on a wild spending spree despite Alice's warnings that this doesn't seem right. It isn't long before the gangsters come calling for their loot.

The Golfer

Ralph wants to be named the new Assistant Traffic Manager at the bus terminal. This is a promotion he feels he has worked hard for and he deserves. In order to ensure it he needs to get in good with Mr. Harper, the man in charge. Harper and Ralph strike up a conversation and with Norton's help he finds himself with a date to play golf...of course Ralph knows nothing about the game of golf.

A Woman's Work is Never Done

Alice is so tired of Ralph's complaining about the housework not getting done that she decides to hire themselves a maid while she goes off to get a job herself.

A Matter of Life and Death

When Ralph thinks he's dying and sells the story to a magazine, he discovers it was a dog who was sick instead.

The Sleepwalker

When Norton's sleepwalking through Ralph's apartment disturbs Ralph one time too many, Ralph decides to get to the root of Norton's trouble.

Better Living Through TV

Ralph's newest get-rich-quick scheme is to sell an all-purpose kitchen gadget. With Norton's assistance, Ralph plans to demonstrate it during a live TV commercial, in order to reach more potential buyers. But Ralph's last-minute stage fright may ruin the commercial.

Pal O'Mine

A ring that was intended for Norton's new supervisor in the sewer, but that instead gets stuck on Ralph's finger accidentally, is all it takes to jeopardize Ralph's friendship with Norton - until an explosion in the sewer brings Ralph to his senses.

Brother Ralph

Because of a suggestion he made, Ralph gets laid off. While they're trying to figure out how to cope with the bills, Alice decides to go back to work over Ralph's objections. The real trouble starts when Ralph finds out who has to do the house work, and when Alice's boss comes to the apartment to pick her up.

Hello, Mom

When the Kramdens get a telegram from Alice's mother, telling them she’s coming for a visit, Ralph is less than pleased and asks to stay with the Nortons.

The Deciding Vote

Ralph buys Alice a vacuum while there is a Raccoon election going on for convention manager, and it's up to Norton to be the deciding vote.

Something Fishy

The Raccoons are planning for an annual Raccoon Fishing Trip, and this time, the Raccoons vote not to take their wives. But Alice and Trixie will not stand for being left behind.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Ralph hocks his bowling ball to get Alice a present when someone else gets her the same thing he did.

The Man from Space

Ralph is determined to win a prize of $50 at the Raccoon Lodge costume. When he competes with Norton in the contest and Alice will have nothing to do with loaning her husband any money to rent a costume, Ralph is forced to make a homemade costume.

A Matter of Record

Ralph throws Alice's mother out of the apartment, but Alice soon walks out on him, too. In a last ditch effort to save their marriage, Ralph cuts a record to apologize to Alice - and also, reluctantly, to her mother.

Oh My Aching Back

Ralph injures his back after a bowling tournament a day before his physical examination.

The Babysitter

When Alice has a telephone installed, Ralph feels threatened both by her newfound freedom and the prospect of another bill to pay. Alice is baby-sitting to pay for the phone but Ralph thinks she's two-timing him.

The $99,000 Answer

Ralph's out to prove himself to Alice, his neighborhood, and the world when he becomes a contestant on a hit television game show with the category of popular songs. He practices all week, spending a lot of money, only to miss on the first question!

Ralph Kramden, Inc.

Norton invests in Ralph's stock when Ralph wants twenty dollars. When Ralph thinks he is named in a millionaire's will, arguments arise. It turns out Ralph was simply left a pet bird named Fortune, and much of the money was left to the butler and maid.

Young at Heart

After a visit from some teenagers, Alice feels that she and Ralph are starting to get old. She wants Ralph to take her out for some youthful activities, starting with roller-skating. But Ralph thinks the idea is ridiculous, and at first, resists it.

A Dog's Life

Ralph and Norton discover a mysterious food product that Ralph thinks Alice has made that they decide to dub Krammar's Delicious Mystery Appetizer.

Here Comes the Bride

Ralph's lodge brother, Stanley, is about to marry Alice's sister, Agnes. At the Raccoons' bachelor party for Stanley, Ralph warns the young man not to move in with Agnes's parents after the wedding. But this advice backfires when Agnes shows up at the Kramdens' after the wedding reception, sobbing that her new husband has changed into a "beast".

Mama Loves Mambo

A new neighbor moves next door to the Kramdens. This neighbor is a dance instructor and teaches the wives to do the mambo, at their husbands' collective expense.

Please Leave the Premises

Outraged when he gets a notice from his landlord, Mr. Johnson, that his rent is being raised, Ralph--over Alice's objections--goes on a rent strike to "teach that Johnson a lesson". Unfortunately it's the middle of winter, and when the landlord turns off the heat, water and electricity, it looks like that the only one being taught "a lesson" is Ralph.

Pardon My Glove

Ralph's birthday is coming up, and he finds out that Alice is planning a surprise party for him. On that day, however, no party materializes and Ralph is, to say the least, disappointed. He's even more disappointed when he finds a man's glove that's not his hidden in a dresser drawer and gets suspicious when Alice seems in a hurry to get him out of the house that night.

Young Man with a Horn

After Alice finds Ralph's old coronet in the bedroom closet. Ralph remembers lost career chances, and feels discouraged. But after a visit from a kindly, elderly millionaire couple who used to live in the apartment. They help Ralph see that he is still young enough to pursue new opportunities. With Norton's help, Ralph makes a list of all his strong and weak points so that he can correct his faults and become a success.

Head of the House

Ralph tells a newspaper that he's head of the house and then has to prove it to a co-worker.

The Worry Wart

Ralph goes into a panic when he gets a letter from the Internal Revenue Service ordering that he appear at their office the next morning, fearing that the IRS is investigating him for income tax evasion.

Trapped

Ralph happens to be standing outside a bank when a pair of bank robbers run out and, seeing him, fire a shot at him, knocking his hat off. Afraid that the robbers might find out where he lives, he refuses to tell the police what he saw. The robbers, however, find out anyway and plan a visit to make sure he never tells.

The Loudspeaker

A few days before the ceremonies announcing the selection of the Raccoon of the Year, the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler of the Racoons tells Ralph that he will be sitting on the dais that night and to be prepared to say a few words. Ralph, of course, takes this to mean that he is to be the Raccoon of the Year, and begins to write his "humble" acceptance speech.

On Stage

In order to raise money for the Raccoon Lodge, the lodge members decide to put on a play, and hire a professional director, Mr. Faversham, to direct it. Ralph is given the lead and Alice is given the female lead. Ralph starts "seeing stars" when he learns that Faversham's friend, Hollywood producer Herbert J. Whiteside, is in town looking to cast his new picture and will be attending the play's opening night.

Opportunity Knocks, But

Mr. Marshall, Ralph's boss, receives a new pool table as a birthday present from his wife. Hearing of Ralph's prowess at pool, he asks Ralph to stop by his house that night to teach him the "fundamentals" of the game. When Norton shows up, Marshall invites him, too. Ralph sees this as an opportunity to "get in good with the boss", but at Marshall's home that night, Norton makes such an impression on Marshall that he offers Norton a job at the bus company as Bus Driver Supervisor--the job that Ralph has been after for a long time.

Unconventional Behavior

Ralph and Norton head off to the Raccoon convention in Minneapolis. They lose their wives in the train station and think that they are now traveling alone. Norton has brought along a number of joke items including trick handcuffs, which he promptly puts on himself and Ralph. Not surprisingly, once on they can't get them off which leads to no end of problems, especially when it comes to the sleeping arrangements. In the end, they find out they're on the wrong train and heading in the wrong direction.

The Safety Award

Ralph is about to receive an award as the city's safest bus driver. This honor includes a feature story in a major magazine; and a ceremony at City Hall, where Ralph, Alice, and the Nortons will meet the Mayor. But on the way to the ceremony, Ralph gets into an accident, which is actually the other driver's fault. Will the truth come out so that Ralph can accept his award?

Mind Your Own Business

Norton loses his job after following Ralph's advice and starts selling steam ironsn door to door. When Ed lies about how much money he's making so that the Kramdens don't feel bad, Ralph himself considers selling steam irons door to door.

Alice and the Blonde

Alice and Trixie feel that their husbands don't notice them any longer. And it doesn't help when they see Ralph and Norton being attentive to the glamorous new wife of Ralph's boss. Alice then decides to imitate her in order to regain Ralph's attention.

The Bensonhurst Bomber

While Ralph and Norton are playing a game at the pool hall, Ralph gets into an argument with a mousy little guy who threatens to "tell my friend Harvey on you". Ralph, figuring anybody named Harvey who's a friend of this guy must be as wimpy as him, tells the guy to "bring on Harvey" and brags that he'll beat up the both of them. Harvey turns out to be a tough, hulking bruiser, and challenges Ralph to a fight at the local gym. Ralph frantically looks for a way to get out of it.

Dial J for Janitor

After several janitors have quit working in his building, Ralph decides to take on the job himself. But he finds it a lot tougher and more complicated than he thought it would be.