Bette S1:E5

Pilot

When Danny DeVito asks Bette to play his mother in his TV show and when Roy falls asleep on her, Bette begins to thinks she's getting old.

And the Winner Is...

When Bette forgets to thank Roy in a speech after she won an award she works hard to win another one. She ends up as Woman Of the Year for an airline.

Halloween

Bette wants to go trick-or-treating with Rose, who is less than thrilled about going out for Halloween with her mother. After wrecking the set of Dolly Parton's TV special, which she's guest starring in, Bette steals one of Dolly's outfits and drags Rose out for Halloween. But when Bette's usual antics go too far, she winds up getting Dolly arrested.

Silent But Deadly

Bette gets laryngitis after pushing herself too hard but refuses to admit to Roy that he was right when he suggested that she take it easy.

Color of Roses

After firing her record producer, Bette is under pressure to record her new single. She agrees to give Oscar a shot at producing, but keeps changing her ideas of what the song should sound like, not giving Oscar the chance to do it the way he wants. In the end, Oscar and she perform the song the way he originally wanted it.

In My Life

Throughout the episode, Bette plays the piano singing the theme to the series ""Nobody Else But You"" as Connie, Roy, Oscar, and Rose one-by-one begin to join her, she reminisces about how she first met them... Connie - 1980 Bette meets Connie in the restroom at Studio 54. Bette misses Connie's performance of ""Funky Mailbox"" so she sings a little bit to her. They become friends. Roy - 1983 Connie and a nervous Bette get onto an airplane and Bette's seat is next to Roy. He is obviously annoyed by her. Roy eases her into the flight and she begins to like him. Oscar - 1986 Oscar comes to apply for the job of musical director. She's more interested in a table than Oscar's application. Oscar avoids her question of how much she paid for the table by answering different questions about himself and ending up with a generous amount of money for his pay. Rose - 1987 Rose gives birth to Rose. In a lot of pain, she slams Roy's head into the bed repeatedly, makes Connie perform the end of Wes

I Love This Game

Bette tells Roy that she got him Lakers tickets for his birthday present. Bette now has to find a way to get the tickets. Turns out, Oscar has been working on a jingle for Kobe Bryant's new basketball shoe, and Bette forces Oscar to take him to introduce her. Kobe's bodyguard Andre gets the tickets for Bette. The tickets turn out to be as far back as possible. Bette gets angry because the seats are so far back and she goes to try and get the ""real"" tickets. The usher, Larry, won't let her in because she embarrased her at a concert there a few years back. Bette ends up in the middle of the court among the Laker girls... While waiting for a doctor to check her out, Kobe walks in and she convinces him to get her better seats untils she dislocates his finger, causing him to be out of the game.

... Or Not to Be

When Bette finds out that Tim Curry is in town doing a stage production of William Shakespeare's ""Hamlet,"" she pushes her way into the production, playing the part of his mother, Gertrude. Oscar can't stand Mr. Curry, due to an encounter he thinks he had with the actor while he was a cater-waiter in London, but agrees to help Bette learn her lines. Bette, however, is disinterested in learning the part and proceeds to ruin the rehearsals, forgetting her lines, letting her cell phone go off, and finally (accidentally) punching Tim in the crotch. So Tim suggests they move her character's death into the prologue -- and Bette obliges, working out a catchy production number with The Harlettes.

Diva, Interrupted

Bette fails to make People magazine's list of ""The 50 Hottest People in Hollywood"" and realizes she needs to come up with a clever career gimmick. A high-powered, trendy publicist concocts the perfect comeback plan for her, but all doesn't go as planned.

True Story

Bette appears on The View. Bette's happy to sing on the show and promote her latest CD, but she doesn't look forward to chatting with the girls because she simply can't think of any new stories to tell. When it's time to talk, Bette tries to rehash some old tales but the gals stop her cold. They want news, so Bette obliges by implying that she rescued a drowning boy near Malibu. Actually, she just found the kid's watch and returned it to him. No harm, right? Well, not until Vieira later calls her up — seeking to reunite Bette and the boy on the show.

Of Men and Meatballs

Bette takes Connie out to find her a date, and the two finally realize things could be worse -- she could end up with one of the losers they encounter.

Big Business

Bette sets out to help Rose with a report on women in business by designing her own clothing line and selling it on QVC.

The Invisible Mom

Bette finds a letter in the recycling bin, and shows up at Rose's school as a volunteer mom on the same day Olivia Newton-John is helping out. Olivia spends the day avoiding Bette, since (unknown to Bette) Olivia's held a grudge ever since Bette locked her up while she was supposed to be at an audition for ""Grease."" After fending off the head of the school, who's trying to solicit a screenplay, Bette notices that Rose got her belly-button pierced, much to her mother's dismay. Meanwhile, Connie shows up to get some promotional CDs autographed and winds up spending the day in the girls bathroom doling out advice to the adolescents.

Polterguest

Jon Lovitz shows up at Bette's front door and announces that he is her new next-door neighbor. Unfortunately, his new home is being remodeled and he needs a place to stay for a few days. Bette suggests a hotel, but the manipulative Lovitz succeeds in worming his way into her house---and into her life. Not only is he conniving, he's rude and demanding as well, and goes on to tell Bette that her house is ""spiritually toxic"" and its evil vibes are the reason her movie career is in the toilet. As crazy as it sounds, Bette believes him and considers selling her house.

A Brand New Roy

Roy and Bette's plans for a romantic evening are ruined by. . .well, everyone. So Roy decides to whisk his wife away for an evening in Paris -- but flight delays cause them to be stuck at the airport with an assortment of weirdos who they were supposed to share the flight with.

The Grammy Pre-show

Mishaps abound, including the loss of a borrowed diamond earring, as Bette gets ready to attend the Grammy Awards.

A Method to Her Madness

To research into one of her upcoming movie roles, Bette takes a job as a waitress at a sleazy diner, at first Bette is not very good at actually being a waitress which leads to her almost being fired, so Bette soon learns the trick of the trade and starts giving out advice to her fellow employees and the customers who eat at the diner