The Bernie Mac Show S1:E5

Pilot

In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

Now You Got It

Bernie's desperate to get away to Vegas with his frineds, but Bryana's birthday and the germ infested children that it causes make it a difficulty.

The Main Event

Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.

Bernie Mac, Ladies Man

When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

Here To Stay

Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

A Christmas Story

The kids get a dog from the pound, thinking it will be the perfect present for Bernie. Bernie finds the dog, hides it, thinking it is the perfect present for the kids. They think he took it back to the pound, so they try and get revenge.

Starting School

With the kids officially under Bernie's control, it's come time to find them schooling. He enrolls Bryana in a prestigious preschool, Jordan in Catholic school and Vanessa in public junior high. On the first day however, everything that can go wrong, does. With Wanda at work, Bernie is forced to figure everything out for himself. While trying to braid Bryana's hair, he gets hair grease all over his favorite shirt. Jordan fakes being sick and actually forces himself to puke on Bernie's second favorite shirt. Vanessa barricades herself in the bathroom, having ""the worst hair day ever!"" Bernie being Bernie fortunately finds away around all the problems. He fixes Bryana's hair, he foils Jordan's fake illness and he boosts Vanessa's confidence. Not bad for a day's work. If only he didn't ruin his favorite shirts in the process.

Hot Hot Hot

On a hot day, Vanessa detours the family's trip to the water park. Back at home, the kids act wild and the air conditioning breaks.

Wanda's Week Off

Wanda spends time with the kids and considers having a child with Bernie.

The King and I

when Bernie realizes that anything he says to Jordan and Bryana first goes through Vanessa, he decides to stop fighting the situation and let Vanessa be responsible for the kids.

Hall of Fame

Jordan sets his sights on joining Vanessa and Bryana on the Bernie Mac Hall of Fame awards shelf. He decides to join his school's football team after hearing that everyone on the squad gets a trophy just for participating. Bernie is thrilled that Jordan is playing football—until he sees his playing skills.

Handle Your Business

Bernie is booked on a popular morning radio show, and he gets himself into trouble with the whole family when he draws from his private life to bring comedy to the public airwaves.

Back in the Day

Bernie becomes concerned when he begins to see the classic signs that old age is catching up with him. He's forgetful, has aches and pains, and is finding gray hairs in, uh, unwanted places. When a panic attack sends Bernie to the Emergency Room after an argument with the kids, he decides to not let the kids send him to an early grave. He fights back and begins trying to act young again. He blasts his music and nags his friends for not staying up all night to play poker with him. Bernie only makes matters worse however when all his ""young"" activities take their toll on his mind and body. When Bryana asks Bernie to play in her Father-Daughter Basketball tournament at school, he complains, saying that he is just too old to play. When he gets to the game though, he realizes that he should be playing and joins in. Although he gets hurt playing, Bernie realizes that being old doesn't mean stopping your life.

Lock Down

When someone breaks into the Mac house, Bernie realizes how vulnerable his family is and turns the house into a high-security compound. Bernie is reminded by his friends of all the crime that happens outside of the home and drives his family crazy with his overprotectiveness.

Mac 101

Impressed by the behavior and talents of another family's kids, Bernie cracks down on his own with a program of constant studying.

If I Were N-Riched Man

After hearing Bernie use inappropriate language at home, Bryana goes to school and repeats it—much to the horror of her teacher. Soon after, a social worker shows up at the house to discuss Bernie's hostility problems.

Stop Having Sex

Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.

Secrets and Lies

Bernie takes Jordan to a Clippers' game but tells Wanda that Jordan has had an asthma attack and had to go to the hospital. Wanda tries to help Jordan 'feel better'. He feels guilty and asks Bernie if he can admit his wrongdoing. Bernie explains that it is occasionaly ok to lie, but Jordan takes it to a whole new level. He manipulates his sisters, aunt, school, and even Bernie. When the family has dinner a slew of lies are admitted by everyone in the family.

Kelly's Heroes

When Kelly's girlfriend throws him out, Bernie lets him stay at the house.

Sweet Home Chicago (1)

Bernie takes the entire family to Chicago for the funeral of a beloved uncle, but his cousin's scheming mars the trip.

Sweet Home Chicago (2)

Bernie takes the family on a tour of his old stomping grounds. Vanessa attempts to find her mother.