Red Sonja

Not a good REH interpretation (it’s too campy), but entertaining in some ways

"Red Sonja" (1985) is essentially "Conan 3," after "Conan the Barbarian" (1982) and "Conan the Destroyer" (1984). Schwarzenegger plays the barbarian 'Kalidor' here because the filmmakers didn't have the rights to the 'Conan' name since 'Red Sonja' was owned by a company separate from the REH people, yet -- strangely -- they could use REH's Hyborian setting, albeit in a half-axxed way.

"Red Sonja" is the least of the three films. In other words, if you couldn't stomach parts of "Conan the Destroyer" you'll loathe "Red Sonja." It starts out pretty good but by the 23-minute mark the goofiness kicks in with the introduction of Prince Tarn (the spoiled Asian child who deems himself a king) and his loyal rotund assistant, Falkon. The sword & sorcery silliness turns full throttle by the final act. Needless to say, Robert E. Howard (REH) was rolling over in the grave at such roll-your-eyes treatment of his S&S fantasy world.

It's strange because, for the most part, the film gets the LOOK of the Hyborian Age down pretty good, although there are some really fake-looking props/costumes/effects here and there. But, generally speaking, they did a decent job with the locations, costumes, cast and props. The problem is the overall cartoonish vibe. It's like Conan for kids or something and it's almost saddening to observe all this expense & effort wasted by the inexplicable decision to go the camp route. It mars what could have been a quality REH-influenced picture. John Milius' "Conan the Barbarian" may have deviated from REH but it made up for it by taking Conan and the Hyborian Age seriously, not that it was totally humorless. Laughter and lightness are an intrinsic part of life but they don't need to devolve into campy silliness. "Red Sonja," by contrast, is so silly at points that it's impossible to take seriously.

This isn't to say it's all bad though. If you're in the right mode "Red...

Hot off the back of his outing as "Conan", Arnold Schwarzenegger teams up with Brigitte Nielsen in the eponymous role as both have to avenge the killing of her family and the destruction of her homeland by the evil "Gedren" (Sandahl Bergman). Their task is not helped much by their alighting on the precociously irritating Prince "Tarn" (Ernie Reyes Jnr.) and his nice but dim bodyguard "Falkon" (Paul L. Smith). Various set-piece escapades follow as "Sonja" gradually realises that she cannot prevail without the help of Arnie against the evil queen and her sidekick "Ikol" (Ronald Lacey) and so battle lines are drawn and sword play and acrobatics ensue. It's mercifully short which is a double blessing because I really did want to throttle the young princeling after about five minutes and I could probably extend that sentiment to the writing in general. It's woeful. Schwarzenegger has a little of his tongue in his cheek here, but the rest of the film takes itself far too seriously and better visual effects could probably have been conjured by a third year chemistry student. Nielsen has precisely no charisma, no charm, no screen presence - she just happens to be someone who looks like she could give Mike Tyson a run for his money and that, sadly, doesn't make this weak effort remotely entertaining as we meander along towards the inevitable conclusion. I suspect it did wonders for the sales of leather, but little else...