Annabelle Comes Home

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I went to this movie not expecting much, but it never crossed my mind that I would be watching a film as bad or worse than The Nun. Honestly, going back, I was too easy on the latter since I didn’t exactly give it a massively negative review, which it surely deserves. However, Annabelle Comes Home really tries its best to be even worse. I hate it. I truly do. The horror genre has been exponentially growing, and it’s one of the two most popular genres right now (comic-book movies are the other), but this cheap, bland, cliche, predictable, and forgettable class of horror films is genuinely starting to annoy and frustrate me. The Conjuring Universe became just a set of silly spin-offs with entities that have no interest whatsoever and filled with extremely under-developed characters.

This is the third movie about Annabelle. Three films that address the powers of a freaking doll. Three! Very few people liked the first one, the prequel was admittedly a pleasant surprise, but this one is just atrociously bad. There’s not even a story. The whole movie is based on repeating almost laughable jump scares sequences. Literally, it’s all some sort of variation of the following:

Character walks down the hall -> A strange noise occurs-> Character slowly follows that noise -> Score starts to become louder -> Character checks something and camera closes in on the actor’s face -> Score becomes heavier and louder with the introduction of bass -> Another noise occurs behind the character -> Camera pans with the character and nothing happens -> Character continues to check on something -> Another noise, another pan, nothing again -> Score is reaching its climax -> Character continues doing the same thing -> Final noise, pan, and then one out of the two predictable jump scares happen: BOO! or Fake! … BOO! -> These are accompanied by a ridiculously loud sound that everyone in the theater is already bracing for...

I was a little less worried about a third Annabelle movie than I was the second one, because, well this came off the back of that second one, and that second one was okay. But that second one came off the back of the first Annabelle movie... And that was a fucking disaster. Lots of people say that the whole Conjuring franchise is a cool thing, but nothing has come close to the quality of that first The Conjuring movie. Respectfully, I disagree. The franchise as a whole is okay, but not only is has something better come out post-The Conjuring, furthermore, I'm gonna go ahead and say that the first Conjuring movie isn't even really that good. The only entry I've given a favourable review ("favourable" here meaning "more than a 5 outta 10") iissss dramatic pause THIS O- no I'm kidding it's Conjuring 2. Conjuring 2 is the good one and everything else ranges from "alright" to "dumpster fire", and the first Annabelle is firmly at the bottom of that dumpster fire. What's the next best entry? The crème de la compètènt? It's... Oh my God I think it actually is this one... You guys is Annabelle Comes Home the closes thing we've got to a second good movie? ...Fuck... I'm pretty sure it is.

Final rating:★★½ - Had a lot that appealed to me, didn’t quite work as a whole.

Hopefully this brings an end to a dreadful trilogy. Not as terrible as the first one at least but this had nothing to offer and yet another one of these movies where an evil supernatural entity seems more intent on f'ing around with the characters rather than actually harming them. One upside was the acting at least wasn't terrible and, albeit they were only in it for 10-minutes, I did like seeing Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga. 1.75/5

This movie is easily my favorite out of the series. Cause not only are they dealing with annabelle but they have to deal with multiple ghost and haunting.

...and the moral of the story is: stop with these third rate sequels! This is derivative in almost every conceivable way and is presented in the most clumsy, cack-handed manner. "Judy" (Mckenna Grace) really ought to have known better than go into a locked room full of her parent's (Vera Farmiga & Patrick Wilson) ancient gismos in the first place, let alone start interfering with things locked in sacred glass cases. So much for the defence against the dark arts blessing, too - as "Annabelle" goes a-terrifying. Scary? Well no, The only thing frightening for me was the price of the Maltesers on my way into the cinema! Please God they never open that cabinet again.

'Annabelle Comes Home' is snooze central. It asks the question: What would happen if Lorraine & Ed Warren's artifacts room turned into 'Night at the Museum'. The answer? Boredom. We oddly end up largely following a babysitter's friend (yes, really).

Aside from one or two moments at the very end, I don't even remember anything interesting happening in this - needless to say, the 106 minute run time dragged real hard. We get Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson in this side of the franchise at last, though so brief it's barely worth it.

Mckenna Grace, Madison Iseman and Katie Sarife are the main character in this and they themselves are alright, I didn't find any watchability in the people they were portraying but I have nothing against the trio. They star in what isn't this franchise's worst, but it sure is close to being so.